To eat an egg, you must break the shell

Maybe part of loving is learning to let go.....its hard for me but i should do this immediately. The past is my definition.  I may strive, with good reason, to escape it, or to escape what is bad in it, but i’ll escape it only by adding something better to it. What i need to know about the past is that no matter what has happened, it has all worked together to bring me to this very moment.  And this is the moment that i can choose to make everything new.  Right now!

There are things that i don't want to happen but have to accept, things i don't want to know but have to learn, and people i can't live without but have to let go. Relationships are like glass.  Sometimes it's better to leave them broken than try to hurt myself putting it back together. Hahahhaha easy to saying about that but trust me its not! Where i’m used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night.  I miss him like hell.

I’m so jealousy. I know its not good for me but what can i do, yes i’m jealous. Jealousy is simply and clearly the fear that i do not have value.  Jealousy scans for evidence to prove the point - that others will be preferred and rewarded more than me.  There is only one alternative - self-value.  If i cannot love myself, i’ll not believe that i’m are loved.  I will always think it's a mistake or luck.  Take my eyes off others and turn the scanner within.  Find the seeds of my jealousy, clear the old voices and experiences.  Put  all the energy into building my personal and emotional security.  Then i’ll be the one others envy, and i can remember the pain and reach out to them. Oh... my life, hopeful life that simply, but it's not all like that.

That was rough.... Thing to do now is try and forget it.... I guess I don't quite mean that.  It's not a thing i can forget.  Maybe not even a thing i want to forget.... Huuufffhhh. I’m so fucking tired in this moment, my minds are lazier than my bodies.

Oh anyway don’t you know about this? “Never be afraid to try something new.  Remember, amateurs built the ark; professionals built the Titanic” ^_*. Love is like a puzzle.  When you're in love, all the pieces fit but when your heart gets broken, it takes a while to get everything back together. I believe there are more urgent and honorable occupations than the incomparable waste of time we call suffering. Yeah... my spirit its back.